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Andy and the Graff Spec families have received hundreds of get well cards during Eileen’s illness and then the many letters and cards of condolences when she died in October. Each and every one of them had touching verses, prayers and personally hand written words to console the grieving.

The many expressions of love for Eileen showed what a special lady, daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, friend and companion she was to everyone in her life. One special letter was from a priest that included the following ballad:

They say when you gain a lover, you begin to lose a friend.
The end of the beginning is the beginning of the end.
They say the moment that you’re born is when you start to die.
And the first time that we say hello began our last goodbye.
We know each summer’s coming means that winter’s waiting there.
And gold would not be precious if we all had gold to share.

October 22, 2009

Dear Andrew,

May our Lord grant you peace!

In your time of sorrow, I trust it will bring you comfort to know that you and your family are being remembered in thought and prayer by Barbara and Emidio Masciarelli. I realize how great your sorrow must be and I want to assure you that I will remember you and your wife, Eileen, in my daily prayers. Through the sympathy of Barbara and Emidio, I have arranged to have a Mass offered promptly for Eileen. May she rest eternally in the loving arms of our Lord.

There is a ballad that says, “They say when you gain a lover, you begin to lose a friend. The end of the beginning’s the beginning of the end. They say the moment that you’re born is when you start to die. And the first time that we said hello, began our last good-bye. We know each summer’s coming means that winter’s waiting there, and gold would not be precious if we all had gold to spare…” The ballad captures the mystery of life and death and what we feel when someone we dearly love has died.  There are three things we need to do in dealing with death: remember, regret, and rejoice. You want to remember your wife and recall your years together. You will regret that she is gone. But you must also rejoice that Eileen is at peace with the Lord in Heaven where there are no goodbyes as together again we rejoice with the Lord. Rest assured that I will not forget you and your family in my prayers and Masses and I trust that the compassion of Jesus will be your abiding consolation.

With heartfelt sympathy,

Fr. Francis Fugini, O.F.M.Cap.

And nearly two months now…
Andy and the boys are finding comfort in the many memories. Yesterday Andy and Wendy found this Irish Prayer on an ornament in the Christmas box:

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the times we enjoyed together.
Play.  Smile.  Think of me.  Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.

As we grow older we gain wisdom through life experiences.

We ask questions and sometimes we get no answers.

Sometimes if we just listen the answers are there waiting for us.

Waiting for us to understand.

Eileen believed. She believed in Heaven.  She talked about when her Dad died October 11 1994. She said someone was there for him as he left his life here on earth. She and Mom heard Dad speak to these invisible presences. He told them to go away. Eileen had the strength to tell her Dad that it was ok to go with them. She learned from this experience, she took this wisdom and comfort to heart and shared her story with others.

On October 13 this week, Andy and Mom told Eileen it was ok for her to go. To leave this world as we know it. To be relieved of her suffering and pain. To be free.

The number 13 to many of us means bad luck. But there are those who believe the number 13 to be a symbol of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Special people are called to Him on the 13th. Eileen was born on April 13 and departed on October 13. A special day. Eileen was special.

Eileen is now giving us signs. The first came just minutes after her passing. Andy reached under the sheet over her feet. I wondered what he was doing. He unpinned the rosary beads from Mejorgoria that had been given to her. I said to him what made you think of that? Now? He said, “I don’t know.” But then I knew. She was already telling him what to do. From Above. He laughed and said he guessed that would never stop! Even now!   Andy Jr had already taken the rubber gloves. As directed by his mother I am sure! A “Spec” trait.

I have often wondered why we do something out of the blue.    Or think of someone we haven’t thought of in a long time. Someone who either has passed or is still here on earth. Subliminal messages? Angels on our shoulders?

Secondly when I was talking to Ray after Eileen had died, he wanted to know what time it had happened. He gasped when I told him they had taken her off the respirator about 11:43. Like someone had kicked him in the stomach. He said at that exact time he had an overwhelming feeling and became overcome with emotion. He knew something was wrong…

Third. On Tuesday after the events of that long sad day, as Andy and Dave and Wendy did their late night hot tub ritual, they were bewildered about Ethan’s unusally relaxed demeanor and concentration on the sky and stars above. Why was he behaving this way?  I have a plausible answer.  I would like to share with you some excerpts from an email that I received from a special friend of mine, a friend who believes in angels:

“Thank God she is now free to be the angel she was meant to be!! My condolences to those left behind who will miss her physically being there every day; but we know and believe we will all be together one day. Eileen’s soul has developed so tremendously over the past few months, she will most definitely send you signs of her continued love and support. She will go to be with her grandchildren that she cherished. If the children start talking to an “imaginary friend”, or smiling and focusing on a spot in the room, it will be their beloved grandmother. She will make sure everyone in her family is OK with her passing, so look for her signs. Eileen taught us about courage and perseverance, about passing with dignity and grace even in the worse of circumstances. This is her time to be free! Find comfort that she is only a thought away.”   ~Joanne

God Bless Eileen.
God Bless Nanny.
God Bless Andy, Andy Jr and Kris, David and Wendy, Bryan and Rachel.
God Bless her grandbabies Ryder, Ethan and Aiden.

Eileen is with Jeff, Robert Allen and Poppo in Heaven and family and friends that have gone before her.

I believe that she will wait for us. We will be together again.
And therein lies our wisdom we gain when we listen.  I hope you find strength and comfort in that knowledge.

Donna

Visitation will be
Thursday, October 15, 2009
2:00 – 4:00 and 6:00 – 8:00
at the
John Syka Funeral Home
833 Kennedy Drive
Ambridge, PA 15003

A Prayer Service will be held Friday, 9:15 am at the Funeral Home.‬‪

Funeral Mass will be
Friday, October 16th at 10:00 am
at
Saints John and Paul Church,
2586 Wexford Bayne Road
Sewickley, PA  15143